Babies.
I have to admit the amount of courage I am looking for to post this is hard to find. This is a subject that for most peoe is warm and fuzzy. My life has never quite happened the way I figured it would, and for the most part I am quite ok with that. For example, I never thought I would have married the man that I did or be 27 years old when I graduated from college, but both of those happened along with many more outcomes. But I have to admit having a baby was never much of a doubt. I would get married, and when I wanted, I would have a baby.
Well, God decided it wouldn't quite play out that way for me. I spent a big portion of my life trying not to get pregnant, and when I actually want it to happen, well, nothing does. It has been over a year and almost a half now since we started trying. I told myself I wouldn't share my story until the fabulous day comes when I find out I am going to be a mom, but something told me to do it now, maybe to help someone who may be in the same position I am in. It's extremely frustrating when everywhere you go and all you do the conversation ends up with the b word. Whether it's your friends bragging on their own, or a relative asking when you are going to have one.
I have only been married for 2 years, yet the pressure of having a little one is like a meth head on a an episode of breaking bad. I imagine what my life would be like as a mom, and how it would feel to have a mini me or Shannon, and it is a dream. I can't imagine a world where a part of us recreated ceases to exist. So part of me becomes bitter. I find myself becoming mad when I find out people are pregnant, and sometimes cry until I can't breathe when it becomes too much. It seems unfair to live in a world where my husband and I have so much love for each other and can't have a baby yet, when people who don't even care get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
If it wasn't for my level- headed husband I would have had a mental breakdown by now. He always reminds me that God has a plan for us. I know it hasn't been that long, but this post isn't just for me, it's for those of you out there that feel the same way and can relate.
-Meg
Hey, it's alright to be frustrated. My parents waited 2 years to try then tried for 2 years till they became pregnant with me. My mom actually had all the papers to adopt ready when she found out she was expecting me. Sometimes you just need to relax and not try so hard. Not that I'm an expert or anything, lol. I believe that God will give you a baby in His time. I'll be praying for you. =)
ReplyDeleteThanks Kayla!
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